As we reach the mid-point of the World-Wide Track Meet,
here’s a brief snapshot of the nations who dominate the
by-now-pretty-well-established leader board – Slovenia, New Zealand, Mongolia,
Australia, Qatar and Slovakia – as well as one popular but populationally-bloated
nation whose Olympic hopes are rapidly fading.
Slovenia
Dominant OlyMPMic nation hopes to stave off debt crisis by
dominating games. Really a lot like Slovakia, but smaller, and spelled
different.
Location: former Yugoslavia
Chief Exports: cars and medicaments
Best animals: olm, hedgehog, edible dormouse
In The News: “Moody’s Downgrades Debt Rating Three Levels To
Baa2: Political risks to the implementation of an economic overhaul and
deteriorating asset quality at banks have contributed to financial sector
external funding contracting sharply.”
New Zealand
Highly athletic population consists chiefly of hobbits,
elves and dwarves.
Location: North of South Pole
Chief Exports: sheep, movie trilogies
Best Animals: sheep
In The News: “Aussie Channel Avoids Showing NZ On Medal
Tally: Australian media are in delinal at seeing New Zealand above their team
on the Olympic medal table.”
Mongolia
With an economy based on animal husbandry, Mongolia is the
most popular of OlyMPMic nations, with celebrity fans including Ryan Hoke, Doug
Roszmann and Julius of Outer Mongolia.
Location: in the mountains
Chief Exports: Genghis
Khan
Best Animals: sheep, camels, saiga
In The News: “Mongolian Court Jails Ex-President: Embezzler
of monastery funds arrested in dawn raid broadcast on national television.”
Australia
Like New Zealand, but older: often referred to as “Old
Zealand.” Also bigger, with more weird animals and fewer athletes per capita
Location: west of New Zealand
Chief Exports: snowboarders, surfers, restaurant servers
Best Animals: sheep, cane toad, kangaroo, Tasmanian devil,
dingo, dugong, emu, wallaby, wombat, numbat, koala, kowari, yabby, bilby,
brolga, bandicoot, cassowarry, kookaburra, cuscus, platypus, phascogale, galah,
goanna, echidna, bogong moth, oystercatcher, sugar glider, frill necked lizard,
fairy penguin, parrot turquoisine, quokka, and the spotted tailed quoll
In The News: “Cattle Boss Farley Compares PM To Old Cow:
Australians who think they have permission to make sexist and silly remarks
about the leader of the country should think again, Attorney-General Nicola
Roxon says.”
Qatar
I had a stamp from Qatar when I was in Wolf Cubs. I got a
Collectors badge, except I think I got it more for my coin collection than for
stamps. I wasn't really a stamp collector. I just sent away for free things in
the back of comic books, and that's where I got the stamps from other
countries. I also sent away for a pouch of pipe tobacco from Theodorus
Niemeyer, which I would smell whenever I was reading Sherlock Holmes stories. I
couldn't believe they would just send tobacco to a kid! They didn't even ask my
age or anything.
Location: in the desert
Chief Exports: Scrabble
Best Animals: sheep, camel, oryx
In The News: “Traffic Expert Urges Extra Care When
Negotiating Roundabouts: A representative of the Traffic Department has urged
motorists to drive carefully and follow a number of tips to ensure that they
can negotiate roundabouts safely and prevent several of the accidents happening
throughout the country.”
Slovakia
Like Slovenia, but bigger, and spelled different. American
grunge and alternative rock have a wide following, as well as a new found
enthusiasm for musicals. My daughter named her frogs after two Slovakian
body-builders named Vlad and Branco.
Location: Former Czechoslavakia
Chief Exports: machinery
Best Animals: Blad and Branco
In The News: None. SKTODAY.COM (“Slovakia Today – latest
news from Slovakia”) has not been updated since February
United States of America
Massive country with world’s largest Olympic media coverage
ranks thirty-second in Olympic medals per capita, behind Serbia but ahead of
Ukraine.
Location: south of Canada
Chief Exports: MacDonalds
Best Animals: Devil Rays, Tigers, Cardinals, Orioles, Marlins,
Cubs, Diamondbacks, Lions, Colts, Bears, Falcons, Bengals, Panthers, Dolphins,
Eagles, Broncos, Rams, Seahawks, Blackhawks, Penguins, Panthers, Mighty Ducks,
Coyotes, Sharks, but not Bruins. Or, apparently, sheep.
In The News: “The Brady Bunch - Where Are They Now?: Vince
Vaughn is co-developing and executive producing a CBS comedy derived from the
family-friendly sitcom which aired from 1969 to 1974.”
Bright yellow: countries clambering atop the medal podium for the first time
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