Seven nations joined the Medals Per Million
derby today, but only one – Singapore – took a place among the top twenty
competitors. Cuba posted the biggest one-day gain of any nation thus far in the
2012 Olympics, moving from twenty-sixth to twelfth place in a single day of
competition. “If we can do it again tomorrow, we’ll be in negative second
place!” exclaimed one Cuban athlete, who dropped out of school in third grade
to pursue his Olympic dream.
There was "thunder down under" as Australia and
New Zealand both ascended to Top Six positions. “Ripper! Don’t want to big-note, but
it’s a bit of a boil-over, eh? To dump them figjam countries and rub shoulders
with dinky-di Olympic blokes like Qatar, Slovenia, Slovakia, Mongolia... Holy
dooley, we’re in good pozzy now!” said one person who was from one of those two countries.
There was also "some other sort of dramatic
weather pattern up over" as Norway clambered from Number 12 to Number 5. “Utrop
av glede! Vi ønsker ikke å skryte, men det er litt av en uventet sportslige
resultat, er det ikke? Å passere dem som har høye tanker om seg selv og
forbinder med ekte OL-gutta som Qatar, Slovenia, Slovakia, Mongolia ... Min
godhet, er vi i god posisjon nå!” echoed a person who was probably from Norway.
It was another woeful day for underdogs USA and China, as both
population-bloated countries continued to plummet in the standings. “We’ve got
quantity, but we sure as heck don’t seem to have the quality. Per capita, I’m
talking. If we were doing as good as Moldova, we’d have 88 medals by now. If we
were doing half as good as Moldova,
we’d have 44 medals by now. Of course, there’s a bright side: if we were doing
a quarter as good as Moldova, we’d
only have 22 medals by now, but we’ve got 28, and that’s more. So that’s
something.” said a person from the United States of America. A person from China also said something, but I don’t know how to type those crazy letters they
have. I will say he didn’t seem too happy, either, though.
Canada just stayed exactly where it was.
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